Finding Clarity Amid Chaos
AKA Harnessing Patience in Urgent Times
When I awoke the other day, I did not want to get out of bed. I was warm and cozy, cocooned in the darkness of my room. I laid there for a while, enjoying the soft safety and lack of stimulus, but eventually, I had to get up and get myself and my child ready for school and work. I did my morning exercises, read a couple of articles, and sat down to meditate Then I made some tea and got to work. But I couldn’t shake the feeling of unease inside. I felt it all that day and into the next. Found myself eating. A lot. Trying unconsciously to smother the unsettling feelings with sugar and, really any food would do.
The shock and awe of the new Trump administration had taken away my equanimity. I knew it was going to happen eventually, that I’d feel the overwhelm so many others have been experiencing. Recognizing what was happening was the first step. A walk outside was the next. As I walked along the trail, slipping and sliding on the ice, then finding footholds in the crunchy snow, I started asking myself questions. But what is the right question? Moving my body carefully, putting one foot in front of the next, lest I slip, was helpful. Focusing on the next action is what can get me through.
So, I ask myself, how can I be of service today? My brain starts clamoring in response, thinking about writing and what platforms to use, about protests to attend and phone calls to make, about what is the most important thing for me to do. then I hear a quiet voice in the back of my mind. It says…
Wait.
Really? Wait? We are in crisis!
Yes. Wait. Wait and clarity will come.
I didn’t want to—waiting is hard! And what I really wanted to do was react!
Ooooh, I was heading not toward action, but reaction. And when I react, I often make matters worse. I see now—the soft voice is my intuition, a voice of wisdom, that I will do well to heed.
But what does it look like to wait? It didn’t mean to stop the things I was already doing. It was a reminder to bring myself back to center as I felt pulled in many directions. To focus on what was next. I needed to get to work, for starters. I needed to keep up the practices that help me stay sane: writing, singing, running, meditation. I even chose to go to a yoga class instead of a protest, which I really wanted to go to. But I know I can’t show up as my best self when my emotions are all a tangle. And the fight we are in is going to require both stamina and boundaries.
As I focus on my own well-being, my next steps begin to come into focus. I recognize once again that if I try to take action on ALL of the things that need action right now, I will spread myself too thin. Instead, I need to focus my actions in a way that creates the most impact and trust that other people are taking on the things I don’t have the capacity for.
As an Artist, the biggest opportunities for impact I have relate to shifting culture. What does that look like? It is always changing, but here are a few things I currently have in the works:
Collaborating on local projects, like the Community Envisioned Deschutes Estuary, which is an opportunity to shape not just the landscape here in Olympia, but how we humans interact with it for generations to come.
Working with a local school and neighborhood association to build community through collaborative art, centering the voices of people all to often left in the sidelines.
Writing and editing my memoir, Eclosion, An Artist’s Path to Peace and Power, with the hopes that my story will inspire others to step into their own power.
Collaborating with global partners to bring new versions of The Chrysalis Project into the world. We are the Imaginal Cells.
Building collaborations, old and new, to inspire, take action, and amplify each other’s voices.
Singing and drumming in the Parent Band at my daughter’s school.
Then, and this is big work, my task is to let this be enough. My focus will shift and grow as needed, but only if I don’t wear myself out. So, I allow myself time to be with and love my family, to find joy in the small moments, to sink into gratitude whenever possible, to connect deeply with others, to write and share this imperfect article.
These are challenging, often terrifying, overwhelming times. And we were made for these times.
How are you supporting yourself and your loved ones so that you can show up with your best self?
Until then, be gentle with yourself. As a friend and mentor often says, “soften, soften, soften”.
~Carrie
PS: Writing this reminds me of an article I wrote several years ago, while my husband was undergoing treatment for cancer. If you’re looking for a deeper dive, check out The Number One Thing Needed for the Creative Revolution on Writings from the Art.