This is the story of one afternoon in my studioāand a message that changed the way I moved through my work, my voice, and my life.
(If youāre new to Eclosion: An Artistās Path to Power and Peace, start at the beginning. Or visit my Memoir Hub for a full table of contents with links.)
I No Longer Get to Be Small
After The Chrysalis Project: Transforming Together I took the concept into my studio, beginning a new painting series: The Chrysalis Series. Within this series, I discovered a place of ease within my studio painting. Finally, I was released from the incapacitating fear I once felt when making my own art. The relief of this release left me joyous, light, and excitedāwhen I wasnāt in my studio, I couldnāt wait to get back and paint more.
It was while working on this series, simply following my curiosity from one brushstroke to the next, listening to incredible live music, that I received a message that I can only describe as flowing through me from the One Song. Every cell in my body felt like living energy as this message resonated through my entire being.
I no longer get to be small.
Time seemed to stop. In that single instant of the Infinite Now, I was changed. It was clear that something was holding me back, something that I needed to move through. I knew I needed to expand beyond my limiting beliefs, but I didnāt know howāI didnāt even know what was holding me back. What did this message mean, that I āno longer got to be smallā? Did it mean I was supposed to take my work to a new level? Grow it into something huge? Or did it signify I needed to grow on the inside? To reach deeper into my own authenticity?
I know it looks like Iāve done some big things, and I have. My work is nothing if not big. And the impact it has had on my personal growth and the world around me is staggering. But I still have my own struggles. For years, I carried two fears that loomed over everything I did: the fear of truly being seenāof stepping into the spotlight and owning my voiceāand the fear of giving away what I do. I worried that if I shared my process or ideas, someone else might take them and make them their own, leaving me diminished or invisible. These fears, rooted in a sense of scarcity and vulnerability, were holding me back, keeping me small when I knew I was meant to expand.
Spiritual transformation can happen in an instant; it can take time for our emotional, mental, and physical selves to catch up.
In this case, it took a year and a half until my emotions could fully process that message. It was a painful time, filled with discomfort. It took going through a global pandemic, showing up for my inner work, and my husband getting cancer before I found myself in full alignment with that message.
I no longer get to be small.
What part of you is ready to grow beyond the limits you carry?