Taking Flight: I No Longer Get to Be Small (Offering 9.8)
A moment in the studio that shifted everything.
This is the story of one afternoon in my studio—and a message that changed the way I moved through my work, my voice, and my life.
(If you’re new to Eclosion: An Artist’s Path to Power and Peace, start at the beginning. Or visit my Memoir Hub for a full table of contents with links.)
I No Longer Get to Be Small
After The Chrysalis Project: Transforming Together I took the concept into my studio, beginning a new painting series: The Chrysalis Series. Within this series, I discovered a place of ease within my studio painting. Finally, I was released from the incapacitating fear I once felt when making my own art. The relief of this release left me joyous, light, and excited—when I wasn’t in my studio, I couldn’t wait to get back and paint more.
It was while working on this series, simply following my curiosity from one brushstroke to the next, listening to incredible live music, that I received a message that I can only describe as flowing through me from the One Song. Every cell in my body felt like living energy as this message resonated through my entire being.
I no longer get to be small.
Time seemed to stop. In that single instant of the Infinite Now, I was changed. It was clear that something was holding me back, something that I needed to move through. I knew I needed to expand beyond my limiting beliefs, but I didn’t know how—I didn’t even know what was holding me back. What did this message mean, that I ‘no longer got to be small’? Did it mean I was supposed to take my work to a new level? Grow it into something huge? Or did it signify I needed to grow on the inside? To reach deeper into my own authenticity?
I know it looks like I’ve done some big things, and I have. My work is nothing if not big. And the impact it has had on my personal growth and the world around me is staggering. But I still have my own struggles. For years, I carried two fears that loomed over everything I did: the fear of truly being seen—of stepping into the spotlight and owning my voice—and the fear of giving away what I do. I worried that if I shared my process or ideas, someone else might take them and make them their own, leaving me diminished or invisible. These fears, rooted in a sense of scarcity and vulnerability, were holding me back, keeping me small when I knew I was meant to expand.
Spiritual transformation can happen in an instant; it can take time for our emotional, mental, and physical selves to catch up.
In this case, it took a year and a half until my emotions could fully process that message. It was a painful time, filled with discomfort. It took going through a global pandemic, showing up for my inner work, and my husband getting cancer before I found myself in full alignment with that message.
I no longer get to be small.
What part of you is ready to grow beyond the limits you carry?